Everything seems oddly quiet and peaceful. So far I have used my "Private Study" periods to sit and stare blankly at my wall, simply relishing at the fact that I don't have to do any revision!

Well not yet anyway.

It's only the second day of sixth year and don't I just feel too cool. It's unusual being the oldest in the school to say the least. I am actually finding myself missing the old sixth years presence. I didn't get to really know any particular one of them very well, but it's just....odd not seeing an older face anywhere. It feels like everywhere I turn I'm bumping into dorito brandishing first years or screeching third years. When I hear the new fifth years moaning about how they have "so much homework already!" - I want to yell at them, annoyed that they can't seem to figure out it only gets worse from here on.

Sixth year itself just feels like another hurdle I have to jump to reach my future, and I suppose, more of my own identity. By the end of fifth year it felt like we were going nowhere - we were like sitting ducks, obediently waiting around until we could do our exams, over exerting ourselves, stressing as if it would actually make a difference to the final result. At the moment, I feel like a have a bit more direction, an area to focus my attention on. I'm determined to start the year off well, as I now know from experience, starting the year off well seems to kick you into the right mind set for a decent standard of study and course work. But at the same time I can't help feeling insecure about it all, should I put 100% into my efforts yet? - If I get into good habits now it can (should) only get better as I develop a sense of routine - I just can't help this steady hum of discontent. I don't even know how well i've done in my highers, how am I supposed to focus on the new things I'm learning, when I'm not entirely sure there are any benefits for me in the long run?

I'm a firm believer in living for the moment and all that, and though it could be argued that any ultimate goal can be achieved through alternate means, it is undeniable that these exams set the foundations for the rest of our lives. So I'm not going to let prom committee or anything like that, yearbook etc, let me get bogged down.

I just want school to be over so I can get on with living my life.

Is it just me or do you guys feel the sameish?

Ah well. Enough teenage angst.

I'm going to chase little children around tomorrow under the guise of a clown costume! Happy days!

xx

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Xanga... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"